I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your cock deserves a montage
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
