I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
