he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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