I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
