I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
