in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
