i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
