I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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