He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
