bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
