Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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