I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Little spoons don't ask big questions
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
