I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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