Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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