So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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