Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
