broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
