Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
