This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
