ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
