somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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