By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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