She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
