my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
