...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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