by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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