Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
