North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
