lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
