dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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