i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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