You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
