is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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