How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
