There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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