i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
