yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
