You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
