Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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