and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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