You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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