she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
