'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
