Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
