Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
