Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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