You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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