He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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