she was so not down for the gang bang
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
