Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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