I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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