TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
two words: eviction party
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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