He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
