Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
