ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
