She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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