I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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