i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
