Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
