I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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