Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
