It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
