Can Purell be used as lube?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
