Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
