Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
