so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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