im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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