If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
