Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
