How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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